Alive with Five!

The Rock

2011-12-30T05:04:00.000-08:00

The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. Matthew 7:25

I've been thinking about focus this morning. We all have a focus...a center point, a place where we put our attention, our concentration. And it is this focus that shapes our lives--our attitudes, behaviors... even our hearts. Unfortunately, I find that more often than not, my focus is on the storms. My center point is the rising stream. As I walk through life, my concentration is on the wind and the rain. I cannot see past the storms that surround my house; I watch them intently. I know when the rains begin. I can tell you how high the stream rises with each passing storm. I clock and record the speeds of the winds, meticulously. And the damage...I can tell you all you want to know about the damage to my house--what broke, how much the repairs cost, how long it took to rebuild. If you want to talk feelings, I can do that too--with great accuracy--the fears, the heartache, the pain. The storm is always my focus, and so I miss the beauty. I miss the true focus. I miss the fact that with every storm, my house never fell. Its foundation, The Rock, never moved. The rains fall so hard sometimes. The streams rise so high and the winds blow saw fast that you fear for your life. But, when the house is built on the Rock, on the God who is bigger than any storm, the foundation will not be moved. Your house will never fall. And that should be the focus.

Forgiven...

2011-12-26T05:38:00.000-08:00

This morning, I spent some time cleaning out my email folders. It sounds like a simple enough task, but for me, it simply...isn't. I had over 6000 emails in my 'Deleted' folder and nearly "3000" in my 'In' folder. They are reminders to me. I can turn on the computer in the morning and review upcoming events or see a name that reminds me of a phone call I need to make. Emails pertaining to current events in my life remain in my 'In' folder until that event is over. And when it is time to move them on, I click DELETE and send them on to the 'Deleted' folder. It is this folder that concerns me. Because we all know that it isn't really a 'Deleted' folder. At any time, I can recall an email of the past--find an old schedule, review a long forgotten event. And for me, there is comfort in that. I can hang on, review, remind myself of things long forgotten. Things don't really have to go away; they can remain.

For emails, that can be a good thing. But what I have come to realize is that I do this in life too---hang on, review, remind myself of things long forgotten. I say it's over; I forgive; I forget. Then I move it out of the 'In' folder of my heart to a place where I can recall it if needed. And this place, my heart's 'Deleted' folder, is different. It is a deeper place in my heart, where things of the past are able to sit and marinate in the feelings they produced so long ago. This is a dangerous process, this marinating, as the feelings of old become distorted. When they are recalled, the events that surrounded them are inaccurate and one-sided. New feelings arise, more potent--often deadly to your heart.

And so...just like the 'Deleted' folder of emails, this folder in my heart needs to be cleaned out--permanently deleted. Unfortunately, for me, it takes more than a click of a button. It requires a God's touch--a God who specializes in forgiveness. And I know when it's time to fall on my knees and ask Him to help me move the overflowing content of my heart's 'Deleted' folder to the wonderful, freeing folder labeled--'Forgiven.'

2011-12-19T03:55:00.000-08:00

Look to the Lord and His strength; seek His face always. Remember the wonders He has done... Psalm 105: 4-5

I know this scripture; it's written in my journal many times. I've scribbled it there out of joy, fear and complete desperation. The words are in my head--I recall them easily. In my times of need, my brain can quickly repeat what to do--look to God; call upon His strength; seek Him; don't forget the wonderful things He has done for me.

And that's where it ends. This wonderful set of instructions hasn't penetrated my heart. I know this because I've lived under a similar set of circumstances for nearly 4 years now. Clouds of uncertainty have passed by in what seems like a continual line. And with each fog...I completely panic, complaining to God that I don't have the strength, reminding Him that I've been doing this for years! It's sad, really. And it makes me realize that I am not growing or not enough anyway. It makes me realize that I mope in my circumstances. I am very much like the Isrealiltes---hearing God, but not letting His truths penetrate my heart. It makes me realize that I am not living the truths I so desperately read and scribble in my journal.

What's worse is that I've had ample opportunity to place these truths in my heart. Nearly fours years ago, my husband lost his job. We had five children--our recent additions were 5 months old. We were scared, unsure and angry. But God walked us through, showing us the reality of His provision and unconditional love. Throughout the next several years, we faced the same situation over and over. Today, we face it again. And with each time, I go right back to my three-step reaction: PANIC, PLEAD, and PITY. Truthfully, the reality of it makes sick to my stomach. I know His truths--I read about them; I write them; I even teach them. But when it comes to living them, I just don't measure up. I claim to know that God will take care of me. But when the job market is less than desirable and the bank account is depleated and I've cried the same prayer for years, I wonder...where is He? Does He really care? Has He left me? Is He angry with me?

I've seen God's Grace and Mercy in my life so many times; I've seen Him come through in impossible situations. And yet, when the going gets tough once again...my faith is weak, lacking, not there!

And I wonder...I wonder what He thinks. Because, frankly, I am so good at wondering what others think. Is He disappointed in my reaction, my doubt, my lack of faith? Why do I keep failing this test? Is it even a test to fail?

And it comes back to me--those words I scribbled in my journal, His words--Look to the Lord and His strength; seek His face always. Remember the wonders He has done. It's a simple set of instructions. It doesn't specify when you do this. It doesn't say--Look to the Lord immediately, before you Panic, Plead and have a little Pity party. Perhaps just the act of looking to Him, seeking Him is what He wants--no matter where you are in a crisis. Sure, it would be great to do it immediately; but I don't. And that's just who I am. Does that mean that His truths haven't penetrated my heart? Does that mean I am not growing? Perhaps...not.

The most wonderful thing about all of this, about Him, is His Grace and His Mercy. He knows me. He knows the things I scribble in a journal; He knows my fear; He knows my thoughts; and He knows that when the going gets tough...I Panic, Plead and Pity FIRST. And yet, He loves me still.

2011-09-18T20:03:00.000-07:00

When we trust in God--believe in His plan for us--there is no room for grudges. Because grudges hold us back, smother our joy; distort our relationship with God. Grudges harden our hearts; they slowly chip away at the softeness that allows us to care, love, give, feel.

And I say this, not from judgement, but experience. Because it's hard to forgive. Our humaness is so full of self that we focus on what is being done to us or said about us. And we forget that God has a plan for us, a good plan. And if we trust in that, no kind of darkness that we fall into or are shoved into is bigger than His plan.

Yep, I wrote that! Several weeks ago I sat at my computer and typed those words. And yet, here I sit....holding a grudge. And I have to laugh; I have to smile, because it is simply a reminder of my humaness, my imperfect self. And it is a reminder that those words, typed so carefully with such feeling are only that...words. And words are wonderful; and words are powerful; but only if we let them be wonderful and powerful, only if we let them change our actions.

And I imagine God, smiling at me with that Fatherly grin...knowing I would revisit the lesson as I wrote it...knowing my humaness would show it's ugly self. I am human, afterall. So, Ill carry on and pray that he helps me to let go of those grudges that harden our hearts. And I'll continue to be ever thankful to serve a God who knows my flaws but loves me anyway.

:)natalie

2011-09-12T03:27:00.001-07:00

Then the Lord said, "There is a place near me where you may stand on a rock. When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. Then I will remove my hand and you will see my back; but my face must not be seen," Exodus 33:21-23

Have you been in this place--this place where the Glory of God passes you and you look to see only His back? When I read this today, I contemplated about what an amazing place this would be, how I wanted so much to visit this place. And yet, something tells me I've been there...

I've seen the passing of God's Glory when...

--each of my children took their first breath of life

--the money to feed my family was just...there.

--my little boy transformed from deathly sick to alive and well.

--a wise old man whipsered truths to my heart that only He could know to speak.

--a scripture spoke to the ailing of my heart.

--the sun greeted a new day and washed away the darkness.

I've been in that cleft of a rock, where God's hand has covered me while He passed by. Sometimes, and only somtimes, I realize...I live in that place, but only forget to notice His passing.

natalie :)

I've Been Here Before

2011-08-24T03:21:00.000-07:00

The Lord Almighty has sworn, Surely as I have planned, so it will be, and as I have purposed, so it will stand. Isaiah 14:24

I've been here before--wondering how this could be Your plan? Questioning how this mess, orchestrated by man and carried-out with questionable motives, be Your purpose? How can THIS stand?

Maybe it isn't of You. Perhaps You have walked away, left things to us--US, who operate in greed and selfishness. Have You washed Your hands of it all and turned Your back? I see so very little of You in this; I search for You; I look for Your plan; I cannot find You.

And then I remember, I've been here before. And I've seen your Goodness rise above the filth. I've seen You come out of the anger, the ache. I've felt You heal my shattered heart with WORDS. And I know that You are there. I've been here before and I know that You never left my side.

These moments we are living don't always seem a part of Your plan; they don't seem worthy of standing. But I've been here before, and I cannot deny that every moment is filled with Your Love and Your Grace and Your Mercy. That has to be enough right now--enough to ease the anger and heal the ache.

He has a plan...even in the darkness.

2011-08-11T03:30:00.000-07:00

But Joseph said to them, " Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God? God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. So then, don't be afraid. I will provide for you and your children." And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them. Genensis 50: 19-21

Everytime I read the story of Joseph's encounter with his brothers after so many years...I am in amazement of his Forgiveness--his genuine forgiveness. How did he do it? I think of how they sat together so long ago and plotted to get rid of their own brother. I imagine the looks on their faces as they stripped him of his robe and shoved him in to the cistern (Genesis 50: 23-24). I wonder what the fall must have been like for Jospeh--was he injured? And the darkness that surrounded him when he reached the bottom--was it overwhelming?

Once the brothers shove Joseph into a world of darkness, they have lunch and discuss alternatives to killing him. What evil must have lurked in their eyes when they made the decision to sell their brother into slavery? I cannot imagine how hardened one's heart must become to take such actions.

And yet, Joseph, when he finally has the chance to take revenge on his brothers--reassures them, speaks kindly to them, takes care of them. Why? Joseph got it! He understood that God's plan for his life might be full of people who meant him harm, but God "intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done." (Genesis 50: 20).

When we trust in God--believe in His plan for us--there is no room for grudges. Because grudges hold us back, smother our joy; distort our relationship with God. Grudges harden our hearts; they slowly chip away at the softeness that allows us to care, love, give, feel.

And I say this, not from judgement, but experience. Because it's hard to forgive. Our humaness is so full of self that we focus on what is being done to us or said about us. And we forget that God has a plan for us, a good plan. And if we trust in that, no kind of darkness that we fall into or are shoved into is bigger than His plan.

Thank you God for Your plan!

Peace in The Storm

2011-07-25T05:54:00.000-07:00

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

It's been said that a picture can say a thousand words; but I say, a picture can evoke a thousand emotions and thoughts...

pure joy, fear, love beyond imagination, doubt, uncertainty...why?, happiness, so blessed,

what will the future hold?...how?...THANKFULNESS....

When I look at this picture, I remember. I remember how unsure we were about His plan--six month old twins, three other children, a lost job. We were thankful in one moment and doubtful in the other.

But when you begin the journey out of difficult times, it's important to look back. And we looked back to see His plan was there all along--His good and perfect plan.

Yes, two little beings entered our lives during a storm. The storm was relentless at times; our boat rocked uncontrollably. Matthew and Lilly were the peace. They brought laughter and joy. They helped us bond together when everything else was trying to tear us apart. They gave us purpose when we were like trees--bending and swaying in the storm. Their timing was PERFECT and a part of His plan.

And we will forever be thankful to Him for Matthew and Lilly--the peace in our storm.

Destinations...

2011-07-08T14:42:00.000-07:00

Read this...http://www.aholyexperience.com/2011/07/what-you-need-when-you-embark-on-motherhood/

And thought of this...(thank you Ann Voskamp for always inspiring me to live in the moments!)

Destinations...always trying to get somewhere--the next day, another age, a happier time, a higher tax bracket, a better view. And so many moments overlooked, not deserving enough to be called a destination. So many moments we would rather toss aside, forget, erase. But He is in every moment; He is all we need; so isn't every moment worthy to be a destination--to be treated as if we have waited for its arrvial? Isn't every moment----PERFECT?

AND...what if it were that way-- every moment embraced as the destination? What if we could live in the truth that EVERY moment is filled with Him--His mercy, His grace, His joy, His love, His PERFECTION? What if we could see every moment as perfect--in some strange and beautiful way, a way that is hard for these human eyes to see?

What if...

This seems to be the journey...and ONE day when we can see every moment as perfect, then we have most certainly arrived!

:)natalie

A Summer of Weddings...

2011-06-15T05:56:00.000-07:00

It's been a summer of weddings, as I have attended three already and it's only mid June. So, it's no wonder why Marriage has been on my mind...

The wedding day---so perfect and detailed. Every moment considered. Months are invested in making the time memorable--how things will look, where people will stand, who will attend, on and on and on. But really, what it all comes down to in the end is two people, standing face to face, committing before God to become one flesh. One flesh--so that every hurt he has hurts you, and every tear he drops seems to come from your own eye; and every success of his is considered your own and his failures are felt in the deepest part of your heart--One flesh.

It isn't easy. It seems easy at first. When life is smiling upon you and all the cards are standing, being One comes naturally--like breathing. But eventually, life frowns and our humaness takes over and sides form, lines are drawn, the flesh divides. The wounds from life in a lost world seem to remain unhealed. And if left that way, the marriage dies.

But this doesn't have to be. For on that wedding day, He stands with the two as a Healer and Protector. He stands with those who know Him and with those who don't. I know this. For, He stood with me even without me really fully understanding He was there. And nearly 2o years later--amidst life's smiles and frowns--HE continues to bind the flesh as One.

May those whose weddings I attended this summer--

Chris and Heather
Todd and Jessica
and....Kelly and Dan (my brother and new sister)

be bound by God as One Flesh through every smile and frown life gives you.

:)natalie

Where Did the Time Go?

2011-05-29T05:41:00.000-07:00

Wow...I stopped in this morning and realized it's been awhile since I've posted. It's been a busy busy busy month! The last month of the school year is always full of activities, and this one has been no exception! The big event has been Madi's 5th Grade Graduation, which I was so blessed to be apart of---preparing and attending. The day was wonderful and left me swollen with joy for the accomplishments Madi accomplished during her Elementary School years.

And so...I now have two middle schoolers. It amazes me how quickly the time passes; I can remember Madi and Dylan's Kindergarten Graduations like they were only minutes ago. I can see vividly in my mind Dylan on the church stage declaring his goal to become a Jedi Knight and Madi with her gap and gown, smiling between her Kindergarten classmates.

I have no idea how we got here...time passes so quickly, too quickly.

I read this blog this morning http://thegypsymama.com/2011/05/why-motherhood-should-not-be-graded-on-a-curve/ and found myself wondering what little things I've learned from mothering two children through Elementary school--hoping that perhaps I've gained some truths that will guide me through three more.

Here's what I have come to hold onto...

--a clean and perfect home is never worth sacrificing time with the ones you love
--sometimes children just need you to LISTEN
--kids like rules no matter what they claim
--laughter heals most things
--there is no perfect parent, only a Perfect Father from whom to ask guidance
--when nothing else penetrates...give them a hug
--children have different gifts and talents, none are more worthy than the other
--hang in there; the silence will go away
--tv, candy, sweets and getting off the schedule WON'T kill them
--a question you have to ask yourself OFTEN: Is this my dream or his/her dream?
--there is no RIGHT age to get rid of the bottle, paci and diapers--mom knows best!
--Kids can thrive in Public School
--Putting your kid on the school bus is okay

Lastly...Time passes QUICKLY. Enjoy every moment. :)

The Sum of a Person...

2011-05-08T04:50:00.000-07:00

I can sum a child up in about five minutes...

The words came so easily from her mouth, like water spilling over the side of a peak. And they entered my ears, traveled to my thoughts and flooded my heart. Five minutes? How can one know another--the total being of a person--in FIVE minutes? Five minutes might offer a glimpse, a peek of what a person is about...but the sum of a person? To know the sum is to know every detail, every experience, every laugh, every tear, every mistake, every victory, every thing that makes a person who they are. How could five minutes offer that kind of information, that kind of insight?

But that's what we do, isn't it? Make decisions about people in minutes.

The girl dressed in black from head to toe and adorned with jewelry in her nose can't possibly be a good friend for our child. But the minutes don't allow us to see how she hurts from the divorce of her parents. The black keeps people away and the jewelry places the pain of her heart in her nose.

The boy on the side of the street whose pants hang too low and whose overconfident stride spells TROUBLE---how can he be so disrespectful? What is happening to the youth these days? But the minutes don't tell us of the lonely nights he spends with little food and without a Father,while his mother works her second job.

The minutes only allow us to see and hear what's on the outside--harsh looks, hateful words, rolling eyes, too much make-up, not enough clothing, dark stares, angry fists.

But underneath the surface lives the sum of a person--and it takes more than five minutes to do the math.

:)

The Worker...?

2011-04-24T20:45:00.001-07:00

The Worker...

Worker...

Wipes the tears that fall from small but anxious eyes

Offers an inviting lap for those missing a mommy

Jumps, dances, spins and turns to create a lively atmosphere

Runs little trainers to the potty a dozen times

Prepares snacks and teaches prayers

Sets aside the needs of her/his own children to meet the needs of others'

Kisses boo boos

Shows His Love

Offers a smile--no matter what

Shares His Word

Finds new clothes for a little trainer who forgot she was training

Notices a new dress

Compliments a new haircut

Cleans a million messes

Listens with much interest to a story that is way off topic

Loves a lot!

The Worker...just doesn't seem to be a fitting title for a volunteer who serves in my ministry.

Perhaps..,

Disciple--Child of God--His Servant--His Hands--His Feet--His Heart

God Bless those who give of themselves and serve with me in ministry. Words cannot express how much I love and appreciate you!

2011-04-19T11:07:00.000-07:00

Our Easter Garden---We added the candles on Palm Sunday---the Light of the World on His way to pay our debts.

Where the Healing Begins...

2011-04-12T02:47:00.000-07:00

Hezekiah received the letter from the messengers and read it. Then he went up to the temple of the Lord and spread it out before the Lord... 2 Kings 19:14

Life...

It's like a blanket at times--wool--tight and constricting--wrapped around me from the very bottom of my chin to the curls of my toes. It pulls tight, warming me relentlessly. There is very little air, little room to breathe. It holds me tight, keeps me captive. At times, it seems to want to smother me. It pulls tighter and tighter until I am motionless and struggling to reason, think, believe. And it is at this point that it happens, automatically and almost instantly. Just when the tightness is too much to bear, too overwhelming, just when I can no longer move, my head falls, my eyes close and my mouth speaks---His name.

And with His name comes release. Slowly and deliberately my troubles loosen their grip until I am able to move, breathe, believe, trust. The cry of His name sends the release. Then I am able to spread it out before Him...

Our Easter Garden

2011-04-10T10:28:00.001-07:00

We "planted" our Easter Garden yesterday. I could lie to you and say that all of the children gathered around me with eager hearts and joyful souls to participate in this new Hynson Family Tradition. But what good would that do? We aren't a perfect family, just a family with a perfect Father. So here's how it went down...

When I called my little ducklings into the kitchen to plant the Garden, they came--each in his own fashion. I had already discussed the project with Madi and she seemed excited--projects are like coffee to her. Unfortunately when the actual moment arrived, she was preoccupied planning a soccer game with a friend. Dylan only gets to play his PS3 game on the weekends, so....need I say anymore? The twins...well, let's just say the sunshine and warm air had taken capture of their hearts. And Hannah, sweet Hannah, she's always game for anything. So, in order to get everyone into the planting mood, I used my "this is so very important to your mother" voice--puppy dog eyes and turned-down face included. And within minutes...we were planting. Madi, who didn't like the way I was doing things, jumped right in and planned out the garden. We used the big rocks that Hannah and I found to build the tomb. Then we made a path to the tomb with some flat stones. We placed a small, shallow candle holder with water inside at the other end of the path to represent the Living Water--Christ. On Palm Sunday, we plan to line the path to the tomb with flameless candles--the Light coming. On Good Friday, the lights will go out and we will roll the stone in front of the tomb--Christ's Death and Burial. On Easter Morning, we will roll the stone away, relight the candles and place flowers around the garden--He is Risen!

And so, the Easter Garden tradition has made its beginning in the Hysnon house. It may not have been a perfect start, but I am learning as a mother that it's the start that counts! Please please let me know if you are planning an Easter Garden with your family. I would love to hear your ideas!! :)

Easter...a new tradition for the Hynson family!

2011-04-06T19:43:00.000-07:00

Easter...we've done some crazy things to this celebration--a celebration of sacrifice and death conquered, one of a new beginning, a new Way of life. Do I dare say we've pushed the very center of Easter--Christ--somewhere to the left or right and replaced Him with us? On the blood-stained nails we hang new dresses, fancy hats and matching shoes. Near the empty tomb, we plan perfect Easter dinners and prepare lavish Easter baskets. And in turn, He becomes less the focus.

Don't misunderstand me. I love giving my children Easter baskets full of goodies and all the favorite Easter books. And they love to receive them! Although I will say, they would give up their Easter baskets in a second for the Hysnon Family Easter Celebration! :) And it's wonderful to see all of my friends and family dressed up on Easter morning. But it seems that Easter has become a celebration of these things. I don't want the day my savior conquered the grave to be about the perfect Easter dress I found for my daughter or the new silverware I bought to serve my perfect Easter dinner. I want to begin the month of Easter thinkning about His triumphal entry, His prayer in the garden, His crown of thorns, His blood-stained palms, His risen body.

Somehow, we've become the focus of Easter, and I want to reclaim Him as the focus for my family. I am beginning here...Easter Garden or here...another Easter Garden.

Join me and we'll share! :) Happy Easter; May Christ be the focus!

2011-04-04T05:21:00.000-07:00

"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lords, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Disappointment... Can I be thankful for the disappoinment? Can I be thankful when I wanted it so badly I could taste it--see it? Can I stop the analyzing of every disappointment in my life--not ready, not good enough, not worthy? I can if I honestly believe His words--the declaration of His plans for me. I can if I trust in His Hope for me and the future He has for me. Trust--trust in THE ONE who holds my heart, THE ONE who knit me in my mother's womb. Thankfulness for the disappointment seeps from trust...my trust in Him, in His Love, in His Knowing.

#74. the first Spring thunderstorm

#75. my little ones singing God of this City--together in the car.

#76. golf cart rides with my family on a cool day

#77. Your Voice

#78. conversations between two little ones taking a bath

#79. more thunderstorms--Your majesty, Your Power

#80. a piece of writing that inspires me

#81. Your mercy

#82. a husband who lets me leave in the craziness

#83. friends and a GOOD book

#84. a heart-warming testimony that reminds me He is with us through EVERYTHING!

#85. family

#86. an understanding friend

#87. disappoinmtents--reminders to TRUST YOU

Ramblings of a Dream...

2011-03-30T03:16:00.001-07:00

I scooched out of my comfort zone a bit last night...follwowing a dream. A dream. How do we get stuck, stuck in a place where the dreams are too big to believe, too big for us? I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted. (Job 42:2) But do I, really? Do I know this when I live--stuck? Do I know this when I push dreams a side--He's made reality of so many. Why one more? Why can't I equate my dreams with His purpose?

Motherhood was a dream of mine...but I had no idea. I had no idea that it was a place for me, a place of pure joy, until He thrust me into it. And my words of thanks for the reality of this unknown dream don't seem enough.

Ministry with children--a dream I was also clueless I had--is one of the most rewarding things in my life. I've learned so much about Him through my work with the Kingdom's kids.

But a dream I know about...why do I hold it at bay? Do I believe so little in His love for me? Why do I struggle to see that His purpose for me might be this dream that nudges my heart? The questions are many...but last night, I chose to TRUST--trust that His purposes for me are good and fulfilling. And whether or not my dreams line-up with these purposes doesn't really matter. Perhaps the answer sits in the act of trusting...perhaps.

I scooched out of my comfort zone a bit last night...

Thank you Lord for dreams.

The Insignificant...

2011-03-25T12:22:00.001-07:00

Psalm 143:6 NIV I spread out my hands to you; I thirst for you like a parched land.

Parched...a thirsty soul, a needy heart. It comes on quickly, without little warning and always preceeds the busyness--no time for Him. When there is no time made to soak in His Word, drink His goodness, thank Him--there is a thirst that comes over me. And it is consuming. The insiginificant begins to tease me. It settles in my mind, takes hostage my thoughts, creates illusions. And the illusions travel to my heart--parched and lacking Him--where it begins to mold me. And the insignificant can take over. It can become the ruler of a mind and heart, the leader of actions; it wants that.

But with the whisper of His words and the lowering of my head, the thirst is fed. And it happens instantly. I can feel the dryness leaving, my heart soaking Him in, my mind letting go. And the insignifcant fades, never leaving. It waits...waits for the thirst to return, waits to take control. And the journey for me is to find that place where it never takes control--to live a life that is never parched, never lacking time with Him, never forgetting His goodness, His Love for me. This is the journey.

#36. warm coffee on a cool Saturday morning

#37. converstations with teenagers, my teenager

#38. conversations with preschoolers

#39. the way Lilly trots around the house--so happily

#40. a sunny day after several dark days

#41. the warmth of the sun

#42. children!!!!!

#43. 10 hours of sleep!

#44. steady ground, sturdy buildings

#45. an author's honesty

#46. laughing with my sister

#47. food, shelter, water

#48. a day with nowhere to go---sorta :)

#49. a cry with God

#50. my mom

The Note...

2011-03-22T14:59:00.000-07:00

The plate is blue, a deep blue. It dips a bit so that it seems to hug the colors it holds--true reds, golden greens, oranges and yellows. It's out in the open, where little hands can reach for its goods-any piece they choose, like candy in a shop. It was never so sweet to me as it is now--this plate of fruit. It's funny how hard times do that to you--make you realize that the very smallest of things are actually so very big.

And it's a bit sad that sometimes we have to experience something to sympathize. And it's this plate of fruit that came to mind when I read The Note. Words like ridiculous--struggles are far from ridiculous, fears are real but never ridiculous. And the way the word they was used--putting the struggling in a category, as if all struggles come for the same reasons, to the same kind of people.

Oh, that note. It hurts me to think of it. But I shall not allow it to change me in the wrong ways--make me angry and resentful. No! That note shall be my fuel. I will use the feelings that it causes to swell in me to do His work. And I am not angry at the note's author; I am sorry--sorry that there is no sympathy, no compassion. I am sorry that there is judgement and categorizing. I am sorry that the note's author somehow missed the fact that Jesus didn't question whether the woman at the well with so many husbands and a lover deserved the living water; He revealed Himself to her--no judgement, no catergorizing. Jesus healed, cast out demons and fed people without questioning the situations. He Loved people.He Helped people. And for me to do anything less is a life I don't want to live.

And so, just like the deep blue plate in my kitchen that graciously reminds me of God's love for me, I will continue to Love and Help people--and bear the fruit God calls me to bear.

Thank you Lord for the note--a fuel for the fire that burns inside of me to live for You!

Words...

2011-03-21T03:08:00.000-07:00

Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

Proverbs 16:24

The girl's words sliced her, a shallow cut at the edge of her heart. And the pain in her eyes sliced me. Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me. Such lies. Words can hurt; they can leave deep wounds. Healing words, hurting words, lovely words, angry words--it doesn't matter--as soon as they leave a tongue and settle in the ear, they travel very quickly to the heart, where they take up residence for awhile--molding and shaping.

And they are so permanent--once they are out they remain, linger. And they are so powerful--slicing, healing, emptying, filling. And they are so accessible--falling out of mouths, like breathing. And I know this, yet I get careless. It's hard to blame the girl who hurt my girl. I've been on that side before--spitting out words before choosing. Spitting out words I regret, words I can't take back, words that hurt.

And then there is His word...

it is God John 1:1 it is love 1 John 4:16

it is truth John 17:17

it is a light for my path Psalm 119:105

it is full of hope Psalm 119:114

it living and active Hebrews 4:12

And it is the place I go when the words of this world attack, when I see the pain in her eyes from careless words of a friend, when I wish I hadn't said that to him out of anger, frustration. I go to His word...

Thank you Lord for your Word...

#24. that little swelling in my heart which comes as I got to wake the kids

#25. catching a glimpse of a picture of my smilling Hannah as I pass by in a RUSH

#26. the rain and its coziness

#27. people working together to help people

#28. band concerts

#29 a little arm wrapped around my neck pulling me close

#30 my children's school

#31 the MANY children in my life

#32 a faithful, trusting husband

#33. fresh fruit for my children

#34. a pantry of plenty

Sighs in Japan...

2011-03-14T07:33:00.000-07:00

At dusk, dawn, and noon I sigh deep sighs—he hears, he rescues.
Psalm 55:17 (The Message)

I can't imagine the sighs in Japan right now. I can't imagine the mothers weeping for their children--lost, gone, in pain. I can't imagine my world turned upside down as the Earth, unpredictable and volitile, moves beneath my feet, my family's feet. The devistation is unreal. And everything about Japan right now makes me sick to my stomach. Sick that I even had ONE complaint this weekend as I enjoyed beautiful sunshine and soccer games and hot tubs and time with my sister.

But there was impatience and anger and frustration as well--proof that no matter what I am given, I can find a way to squelch the joy--I can find a way to be anxious about the very smallest of things. And while I know that I am human, that it's natural to get frustrated and angry with the every day that I live, I hate it. I don't want it to be natural. I want to see His grace and love in every moment that I live. I don't want it to take sighs in Japan to make me realize what I have, what I have been given, what He keeps giving.

And oh, how I am grateful for His mercy, grateful that I am a work in progress to Him. And so, I continue on this new journey of gratefulness--invited and challenged by Ann Voskamp

to count my blessings in everything....

So thankful for...

#13. first words of the day from 2 little tots.

#14. getting to bring home the cutest/sweetest twins ever

#15. the joy on a 3 year-old's face as he watches the wonder of wind

#16. two little heads pressed together watching Kipper

#17. the joy in her eyes as she makes a goal

#18. not having to make dinner because he did

#19. the meeting between two geese and my two littles.

#20. ripples in the water

#21. another walk with Joey

#22. the splash of color in the trees....Spring is coming

#23. the ways God works

The Silence...revisited

2011-03-10T20:01:00.000-08:00

The silence has lessened a bit lately. We have conversation--a few laughs, exchanging of thoughts. He opens his world a bit--new exercises he's learning, a successful math test. And a hungry mother takes it in like manna, quenches a thirst with it. And it is in these moments that I know of God's mercy, His grace. It is in these moments when I realize that He knows just when and how I need to be fed. He knows that the thirst has become too much. He knows that I still see the young man in my car as the infant that captured my heart with his very first breath.

And I accept His mercy; and I am thankful for the respite--but I am learning (through a wonderful book by Ann Voskamp) that I am also thankful for the silence. For it is the experience of the silence that opens my eyes and heart to the joy of his laughter, his words, his thoughts. And the joy is deeper, more swollen than the joy before the silence.

Thank you God for the silence and for new ways of seeing You!

2011-03-08T03:06:00.001-08:00

I am reading a book by one of my favorite bloggers--Ann Voskamp. It's called, One Thousand Gifts--A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are. Like her blog posts, it's a wonderful read--thought provoking, heart-changing, life-changing. If I were to sum it up for you in SIMPLE terms, it's about thanking God for His many blessings and how those many blessings can be seen in EVERY moment we live. Her journey started with a list---a list of things she was thankful for, a dare to find 1000 things she was thankful for. She posts several of those things on her blog each Monday--Multitudes on Mondays. I have challenged myself to do the same--she has invited us to do the same. It's Tuesday, I know...but I put myself to bed early last night because I am learning that my nearly 40-year old body can't function on a few hours of sleep anymore. :) So....here are a few quotes from Ann's book (which should be a must read on your list) AND my Multitudes on Mondays list on Tuesday. :)

As long as thanks is possible, then joy is possible. pg. 33

Jesus counts thanksgiving as integral in a faith that saves. pg. 39

This does feel like my own reformation, all things wooden-hard giving way to the sky. Recording gifts to reform. I pick up a pen and write of the God-gifts---all these things I had blithely and blindly brushed past before---and the list is my thanks...pg. 49

My list--

Thank-you God for...

#1. the Leggos I've picked up 4 times today. They represent the children in my life.

#2. "tuck-in's" so sweet, tightly packaging little pieces of my heart until morning.

#3. the soothing sound of rain on the roof.

#4. the roof---that keeps my babies dry on rainy nights as they sleep.

#5. blush brushes (between me and God :)

#6. a walk with Joey

#7. cool crisp air on my cheeks.

#8 worship with children.

#9. new friends

#10. unexpected friends

#11. hearing the chirping of the birds as the sun rises above the trees--and my house is silent.

#12. sleepy little eyes

More to come next Monday (or Tuesday)! Hope you will check out Ann's book and blog today! :)

Slow State...

2011-03-04T03:11:00.001-08:00

Busy, busy, busy...my life can get so busy. No, there's no getting about it...my life is busy. Preschool, Critterland, piano practice, soccer, girl scouts, doctor appontments, twins, house duties, volunteering at the school...just so much to do. It's hard to slow down sometimes. I think that is why I like the early morning...things are slow, quiet, nothing to do yet. I can just sit. Read His Word. Talk with Him. Enjoy His company.

I wonder sometimes if I just fill my plate with too much. Perhaps I should remove a few things--then I spend way too much time pondering what things to remove--what should go? The kids are really are not an option. ;) My work...I love it; my house and all that comes with it? Not a realistic option. So, what should I remove from this full plate of mine? And why is it that everytime I ponder this...I find myself gripping...not wanting to let go of anything.

I prayed this morning...prayed that He might show me what I needed to let go. Could He help me clear my plate?

And then...He speaks. I never realize that He speaks as He does it; it comes to me later...after the busyiness subsides. Hannah needed her sweater zipped; I bend to do it; we are late; I am in a rush; the zipper is stuck; I am moving quickly; we are running out of time; I need to get on the golfcart; the kids are going to be late; Hannah is talking; I am fiddling with the zipper; I feel hurried; my hands are moving faster than they need to; Hannah is telling me about her dog; her voice is filled with joy, with love; I barley hear her words; I am rushed; the zipper is stuck. Then He speaks--slow down; listen to Hannah with all of your being; this is a moment you won't get back, you won't; hear her; feel what she is saying. And, without being aware of my actions, I slow down and listen, feel what Hannah is telling me. And the whole world seems to stop. And my heart is filled with joy, peace---slow; things are slow. And the zipper connects. And I smile.

And I realize that it's not about a full plate. It's not about being busy. I can have a lot to do but still live in a slow state--move at a pace that allows me to take in the moments, hear and feel what is going on around me. I can find Him in EVERY activity I have on my plate; He is there--at the soccer fields, in my car, at work, while I wash the clothes. Life is busy with five children and a husband. There's no way around that. But as busy as it might be, it can be lived slowly--one busy moment at at time.

Thank you God for my children; I see and hear You through them daily!

Oozing Jesus...

2011-02-28T03:21:00.000-08:00

Found this blog through a favorite blog of mine (aholyexperienc.com) and there was a discussion of people who "ooze Jesus." You could leave a comment about someone you know...these were my first thoughts...

Oozes Jesus...I must say my 13 year son, Dylan, is the first I thought of. In fact, he oozes Jesus so much sometimes that I think he feels a bit lost in this world where "self" takes center stage. He hasn't raised a million dollars for clean water or travled to other countries to help the poor with money he's earned by delivering newspapers. He makes the same "teen-age" mistakes daily--testing the limits of His parents. But he LOVES people. He genuinly loves people--so much so that the "normal" teasings and antics of his peers are lost upon him. He doesn't understand "ugliness" of any kind, and hurts when others are victims of it. There are times when I have looked in to his eyes and could see that he feels as if he doesn't belong in this world; he just seems to know that we are all something so much better than ourselves allow us to be. And, to me, it's there that we ooze Jesus. :)

Thank you God for the "Dylans" of this world!
I love you, Dylan!

Heaven...

2011-02-25T10:12:00.000-08:00

Be on your guard, stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong. Do everthing in love. 1 Corinthians 16:14

Do everything in love...Man do I mess that up sometimes. Even when I hear Him whisper--Natalie, don't do that; it has nothing to do with love.... Even when I hear Him say--Natalie, it doesn't matter; you don't need to be heard; your motives aren't rooted in love. Even when I hear Him yell--Natalie, rise above it! Rise above your feelings, your emotions; remain in love...I still mess it up. That human need to be heard, to be understood, to make my point, to want... can OOZE from me. And I end up taking an action that has NOTHING to do with Love. I'm not going to beat myself up over it--no 30 lashes on the hand for every self-motivated action. :) But I just got to wondering...what would life be like if we all did EVERYTHING in love. What if we were to rise above our needs to be heard, to compete, to hide our insecurities, to want more than we need--what if we could just rise above ourselves and DO EVERYTHING IN LOVE? What could be possible? Might we be able to end hunger, help orphans, stop wars?

When I think of it on a large-scale like this, it seems overwhelming, impossible--EVERYONE doing EVERYTHING in LOVE. But large scale things start small, right--one person at a time? And so my thinking returns to me. What if I committ to DOING EVERTHING in LOVE? What if I asked God everyday to help me do this? What would my life look like--sweeter words, purer thoughts, more self-less actions--until there was less and less of me and more and more of Christ to see.

Isn't that the journey we are on...

"And then take on an entirely new way of life—a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you." (Ephesians 4:22-24 The Message)

Reproduces His character in me...so that I might do everything in love. Oh what a life that would be...

Not an impossible life...but certainly a life that can only be lived by choice and through God...a decision to do things, all things in love--to speak in love, pray in love, write in love, think in love, act in love, help in love. Imagine if we were to choose to love like this...imagine the GLORY GOD would receive...imagine what life would be like...HEAVEN!

<3

Jesus and God...in the bathroom sink?

2011-02-24T10:25:00.000-08:00

Matthew ran upstairs the other day yelling, I can't find them! Where are they, Mom? I can't find them! I automatically assumed he was trying to find his Buzz and Woody dolls and directed him downstairs, but he ignored me and directed his attention to the bathroom sink, where he claimed to find them...there they are...Jesus and God! I see Jesus and God! Of course, I am grinning from ear to ear...as my son has found Jesus and God in our bathroom sink! And it's been on my mind all week--Jesus and God in the bathroom sink. Isn't that just where they would want you to find them? When I think of all the places I look for Jesus and God--a Sunday sermon, a 9:30 Tuesday Bible Study, a counseling session, the latest Christian book that is all the rave--it seems so complicated. Don't get me wrong! Certainly, I can find Jesus and God in all of those places. But how often I forget how close they are to me. Sometimes, I can get so caught up in "scheduling" times with Jesus and God that I forget they long to be a part of the very simplest parts of my life. I forget that they are ALWAYS with me--with me when I am cooking for my family, when I toss a load of laundry in the washer, when I wait in the carpool line, when I say goodbye to a friend, when I brush my teeth at the bathroom sink. They are with me while I do those everyday tasks, longing for me to talk with them, build with them, dream with them, love with them. And I know this...in the deepest parts of my heart...but I get caught up in this world and forget. I get busy and schedule God into my day instead of living each moment KNOWING He is in it.

And I am so thankful for a little blond-headed boy who found Jesus and God in my bathroom sink.

Thank you God for the pure, simple understandings of children. I learn more about You from mine EVERYDAY!

What if...

2011-02-21T06:09:00.000-08:00

Read this blog this morning about having a big family and found it to be very familiar. The questions and comments she speaks of have all come my way as well. Just the other evening I had a friend ask me if my hubby has had the BIG V! Certainly not a question I would have asked ANYONE...but it seems to be okay for some. Ya know, after thinking over it awhile, it's really not the question that bothers me. I think it just sparked some insecurities in me...I often ask God why. Especially in the last few years...I've wondered. Having children wasn't something I really planned. It's really one of the areas in my life that I just followed. I believe, I know, that with all of my heart. And yet...after a few years of a few struggles with this ecomony and jobs and life...I find myself asking God if he wishes He would have given me a different path--if He picked the right gal. Am I doing the job He knew I would do? Am I living up to His expectations? There are families who could provide so much more financially to my loves. Are you sure God?

And again, He speaks to me, even as I write this. There you go again, Natalie, thinking you are the provider, the one who will give them all they need...WORRYING that YOU aren't enough.

What if we really believed that our God is our Jehovah Jireh, our provider — and in this moment we lacked for nothing, that He has indeed provided everything we need? Ann Voskamp

And what if I could live everyday knowing, really believing, that my life, my children's lives are not in my hands...that we are held by Him--always. What if I could live each day, in each moment trusting His path for me, knowing He has a plan for me? What if I could get beyond college savings, vacations, 401 K's--all of those things that give me a false sense of HOPE--and truly live in His Hope? What if I could take in each moment as if it were the last and give Thanks to Him for the abundance of love and grace and mercy? What if my struggles are simply the path that will lead me to this point? What if...

I told a group of my warmest friends about this particular blog...that I couldn't post it yet; it was too raw. But here it is--because writing from your heart is supposed to be raw--

Thank you God for...YOU.
May you have a day full of hope :)

Lioness Arising by Lisa Bevere...A Good Read!

2011-02-17T11:02:00.000-08:00

Never before have I been so excited and proud to be a daughter of the King. Lioness Arising openend new ideas for me as a woman longing to serve God. Her comparison of Godly women to lionesses is right on--I see myself in a new way--strong, strategic, caring, protective--desiring to move beyond my "safe" Christian life to walk boldly in God's light and hunt the evil that plagues this world. I love that Lisa discusses women/people in bondage to sin all over the world but reminds us throughtout the book that our hunts can take place in our own backyard. I also appreciate her take on respecting women as leaders in our church and providing plenty of scripture to prove her point.

Lioness Arising should certianly be on the reading list of every woman who desires to walk with God by serving others! LOVED IT!

Under His Sway...

2011-02-17T03:28:00.000-08:00

Never imagine God is swayed by the legisltaion of our denominations. He is not impressed with our bylaws and what we allow and don't allow. God moves into action, and when he sees people rightly related and under HIS SWAY, it is there that he commands a blessing.
Lisa Bevere from Lioness Arising

Under His sway...swaying...When I hear this word, I think of waves--swaying back and forth. There is a rythmn; there is an order; there is control. And from these, there is peace. The waves naturally move to His commands, for His purposes. Even when the swaying becomes rough, choppy, turbulent--the order, the rythmn and control are still there. It's as if the waves are aware of his sovereign power and remain in His dominion, His sway, no matter the situation.

I find there are so many forces in this world pulling me--fear, doubt, worry. And I have fallen under their sway too many times, where there is control but without order and rythmn--without peace. So, I have a new prayer. I will arise each morning and ask my creator, My Father, to keep me under His sway--where I might rock back and forth in His commands and purpose.

Have a blessed day!

He's Got My Back!

2011-02-16T03:07:00.000-08:00

He evens pays greater attention to you, down to the last detail, even numbering the hairs on your head. Matthew 10:30 The Message

a science sheet that needs clarification, a piano player longing to be heard, a game and a little player waiting, blocks and a their builders calling....all needs of a moment in my house. It can get crazy with five children; there are times when everyone seems to be in need of my assistance, my attention. That feeling that I am like a rubber band being manipulated into different shapes comes often. And I worry...because I do that so well...that I can't be everything to each of them, that one of them will go to bed without...without getting something they needed from me. I worry that I may have missed those important details that make all the difference in who they will become. It's actually quite amusing when I see it in writing. As I view my words, I realize that what I'm worrying about is that I can't be everything to all of my children all the time--as if I even had that ability. But I am comforted by the fact that the God I prayed to this morning, the Lord who heard my fears and joys concerning those five loves of mine, CAN be everything to them all of the time. He knows every one of them down to the number of hairs on their beautiful heads. So when things get crazy and I am stretched to my limits...He's got by back. He doesn't expect me to be everything to them..that is His job. I just need to be sure they know the One who can number the hairs on their heads!

:)

Bickering and Kind Words...

2011-02-14T03:19:00.000-08:00

An anxious heart weighs a man dowu, but a kind word cheers him up. Proverbs 12:25

With five kiddos in the house, there's going to be some unkind words. I know that in my head, but just can't accept that in my heart. The bickering that can occur among my children (particularly the older three) weighs me down! Yesterday was just one of those days...everytime I turned a corner in my house, someone was saying somthing unkind to someone else. I considered the source--one has been studying for a test he needs to ace, another has entered that preteen stage and never feels quite right in her own skin, and the other...she's just hanging on for dear life, trying to survive a teenage and a preteen. :) Really, though, considering the source didn't help much and I reached that "I've had enough of this" moment, that moment when mom is really going to lose her cool if something isn't done.

So....we went to the park. That wasn't my solution, only a way to get some fresh our, clear my head before my top blew. And when we returned, I had a plan. Proverbs 12:25 says that kind words cheer people up. I thought about calling them each down and serving them a few kinds words in hopes that they would offer each other the same. But then it came to me...it's not only the kind words you receive that are medicinal, healing. It can be the kind words you give. I asked each of them to meet me at the dining room table, where I gave them 2 red paper hearts. They were instructed to spend some time in their rooms writing something KIND about each of their siblings. I was sure to tell them that I would preview the notes to make sure they were from the heart.

The youngest of this bickering crew was back in about 20 minutes with 2 hearts filled with the sweetest words ever! I wasn't surprised. Her unkind words are usually only used to defend. It wasn't long after that my second-born came down with words that certainly came from her heart--honest and loving. Finally...my first-born delivered his hearts. They were simple (he used bullets), but well-thought out and sweet. I was so exctied. I gathered the hearts, thanked and hugged my babies and told them to look for a little surprise in the morning.

And so they sit, in each of their Valentine bags I put together with a few treats and kind words of my own. I pray these hearts will make things a little lighter between the three of them.

Thank you God for fresh air and Your Word!

the saints we're called to be...

2011-02-09T13:21:00.000-08:00

There was a moment--after the laboring was done and before the babe was swaddled--that I saw clearly the furture of my first born. It was the moment when he was placed near my heart--warm and smooth, a bit wet and so perfect. I gazed into his eyes and could see every thing that he could become--the goodness he was capable of, the love he could offer, the world he could change, the saint He would become when He joined His Creator. And so it is for mothers, I believe, when we first lay our eyes on the children God calls us to raise. We see them in His image; we see them with Christ living through them. And it is this vision that serves us as we raise them--guiding them to be all that God created them to be, praying they will see what we have been so blessed to see. And for a few years, they seem to know a bit of the vision; they seem to live with a sense that they are made in His image; they believe in who they are, in who they can become.

And then it comes, fast and furious like a wild storm--a time comes when they no longer have a sense of the vision. They feel awkward; they question who they are; they feel alone--incapable of anything worthy. It is this time that is so hard on the mother, who still holds the vision in her heart, who still sees her child for all he can become. But it is also a time when God gives us another vision--a glimpse at what He feels for us. And though the comparison is weak, it is there--small, but true. For God sees us in His image--see us with Christ living through us. He knows the good we are capable of, the world we can change. He sees us as the saints He calls us to be. And as a mother just beginning to experience the pangs of adolesence, I see how He, as my Heavenly Father, must feel when I, as His daughter, doubt myself and lack the confidence to be all that He has created me to be.

And only God--The ONE AND ONLY GOD--can take a difficult time and turn it in to a time of growth and insight into who He is.

Have a blessed day...

Have you heard about the She Speaks Conference--a conference for women who seek to connect the hearts of women to His heart-- a place for those who desire to serve Him as he leads--a place I hear Him calling me to--a place I am scared to death to go!

I am submitting this particular post simply because a special writer and lovely woman of God called me to come out of my comfort zone...Won't you come out of your comfort zone...

and more on Saints...

2011-02-09T03:30:00.000-08:00

What the Bible says about saints:
Here is the patience of the Saints: that they keep the commandments of God and the faith of Jesus. Revelation 14:12

And you are also among those who are called to belong to Jesus Christ. To all in Rome who are loved by God and called to be saints. Romans 1:6-7

God calls me to be a saint; what must He see in me...

again, letting this soak and take root in my life, perhaps connect it to the day-to-day...

:)

Just something to think about...

2011-02-07T03:27:00.001-08:00

For truly we have been born to be saints - lovers of Love who died for us! “There is but one tragedy: not to be a saint.” Catherine Doherty

Read this and it made me smile, ponder...

But more later, need time to soak this in....and 5 hungry children await.

:)

2011-02-05T21:04:00.000-08:00

Luke 6:28 MSG
When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer for that person.

Can't sleep tonight--had a wonderful day celebrating the twins' 3rd birthday, but the day ended with some harsh words. The old saying--sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me--is just untrue. Words...they can do so much--fill us with joy, paralyze us with fright, build us with confidence, tear us down to nothing. Words. Powerful. They can make a person want to do all the right things--or all the wrong things. Tonight, the words spoken tore me down; angered me--made me want to lash back. So, I visited The Word--the Words that teach, The Words that nourish, The Words that heal, the Word that becomes flesh. And I was strengthened. And I will return tomorrow to be strengthened. Words are powerful but The Word, His Word is more powerful.

Thank you God for the power in your Word

Happy 3rd Birthday Matthew and Lilly--February 5 2011

2011-02-04T20:48:00.000-08:00

Found this the other day...thought it would make the PERFECT post on the eve before my babies' 3rd birthday!

I was in the doctor's office the day my life changed. Joey, Marian (mom-in-law) and I arrived early to find out the sex of the next Hynson addition. I was escorted to the ultrasound room alone with the promise that Joey and his mom would be able to join me as soon as important measurements of the baby were recorded. I knew the drill; I had been to the very same room 4 times before--3 in which I learned the sex of the babies and 1 in which I had to say goodbye. The room looked exactly as I remembered it and I climbed onto the table without even thinking. The ultrasound began. It didn't take long to find the baby--a 20 weeker is never hard to find. As the doctor began to record measurements, my mind began to drift. I was convinced the baby was a boy, and I imagined what it would be like to hold a little man again. My first little man was nearly 10. Within 15 minutes, the doctor paused. She looked at me with a grin in her eyes and said she was going to get my husband. I panicked! I knew the drill; and this was not the drill. The measurements always took at least 45 minutes. She clicked the computer and left the room with a promise to return with my hubby. While I waited, my eyes were glued to the screen she had left me to gaze upon. Two perfect little circles filled that screen. Two perfect little circles filled my eyes. Two perfect little circles filled my thoughts. Somewhere, way deep down in my heart I realized at that very moment that my life had just been altered by two perfect little circles.

I can't say that every day after that was filled with pure excitement or complete joy. I went through many emotions. I cried; I questioned; I worried. I laughed; I anticipated. And on more than one occasion, I asked God, why did these two perfect little circles need to come together? Why not send one now and the other a few years down the road? I didn't get the answers to those questions while I was pregnant. I didn't even get the answers during the first several months after the births. But each day lately, God has blessed me with the answer to my question.

I see the answer...

--when Matthew wakes earlier than Lilly to eat breakfast but shares his food by placing it on her empty tray.
-- when Lilly rides in the car without Matthew and constantly looks in his carseat with "searching" eyes.
-- when one is being examined by the doctor and the other is crying sympathetically!
--when they laugh together in the bathtub because they have discovered the joy of splashing!
--when they plot an escape from the living room together.
--when they dance and clap to their favorite music.
--when they have "serious" discsussions together in the van
--when they pretend together
--when I get TWO hugs as soon as I pick them up from preschool
--when I give one of them a snack the he/she is sure to get one for the other

And the list goes on and on. Each day I realize more and more that my life has forever been touched by the awesome blessing and responsibility of two perfect little circles! :)

An Albino Alligator...

2011-02-03T03:10:00.001-08:00

Joey and I took the twins to the Georgia Aquarium on Tuesday for their birthday. We are planning a little family/friend party for them Saturday (their actual birthday) but we wanted to do something special with just the two of them. And so off to the aquarium we went... We had a wonderful time. My heart was so full of joy as I watched the wonder and amazement dance in those 4 little eyes. Everything was new; they were completely in the moment...nothing crowding their thoughts. They soaked in God's creation like sunbathers.

One of the first tanks we came to had an albino alligator in it. He was positioned in such a way that his body was almost pressed against the glass. He seemed to hang in the water with his head resting perfectly at the top. Lilly, who was more than intrigued, pressed her little nose right up to the glass so that she and this creature were eye to eye. With my eyes on this stare-down, I listened to the aquarium guide tell us about the rarity of this creature--how he was born with no pigment in his skin, leaving him completely vulnerable to the world. If left in the wild, this alligator would be defenseless--prey to the sun or other creatures. Completely vulnerable to the world... Oh, how I've been like an albino alligator in the wild--my life hanging in the world, feeling utterly defenseless to things that wait to devour me. It's a scary, colorless place to be--a place without focus, without hope, without direction. But, like the alligator with his pure white head resting peacefully at the top of the water, I am learning that I am never without FOCUS, HOPE, DIRECTION. Although my body--my life--must linger in this world, I continue to rest my head--my heart--with the One who is my defense.

Thank you God for albino alligators...

Voices from the Back...

2011-02-01T03:26:00.001-08:00

I am the way, and the truth and the life... John 14:6

Yesterday, on my way to the preschool, I found myself in the wrong lane and forced to turn down a road I don't normally travel. The moment I turned my two little passengers began to yell, This isn't the way! Where's the church? Momma, this isn't the way to the church! I smiled at the fact that they were so observant to know I had turned the wrong way--they knew the way to the church. I wasn't surprised. They've been going to the church since they were in infant carriers; it's been a part of their routine from birth, really. But as the day continued, their words kept coming back to me--this isn't the way! The Way... Isn't that what a mother wants for her children, to know their way, to find their way in this life? When I bow my head to talk with my God, our discussion almost always includes the hopes I have that each of my children come to know Jesus, learn to love like Jesus and discover that He is The Way. There are so many things this world screams to me concerning what's important for my children--good grades, test scores, sports, college entrance. It can be so overwhelming sometimes. But God used two little voices from the back of my van--This isn't the way, momma--to remind me that the best thing I can do for my five is to show them The Way--

Praise God for voices from the back... :)

The Moments...

2011-01-31T03:13:00.001-08:00

February is a big Birthday month in the Hynson Home! The twins will be 3 on Saturday and Dylan, my first-born, will be 13 in two weeks. I always get a little sapppy at birthday time. It just amazes me how time flies. I remember vividly--like it was only a few moments ago that I brought my first sweet bundle of joy home to begin a life as a mother. I have no idea where 13 years has gone. Children are certainly a way that God teaches us to hold on to the moments, because they are passing so quickly. That can be so hard to do in this world--appreciating the moments. I just don't naturally look at a day as a series of moments. There are things to be accomplished, goals to be met. And we live our lives looking ahead--here's where I want to be tomorr0w; this is what I want to do next week; by next year I plan to be here. I so often find myself living for what's beyond and in the meantime, the moments get lost, ignored. But when I do stop long enough to sit in the moments (and I am getting better at it every day), I have learned that He is there--welcoming me. For I have learned that God is with me everywhere I go, but in the moments...we are together. In the moments...we connect. In the moments...I see what he sees. In the moments...I love as he loves.

Praise God for the Moments and may you have a day full of moments. :)

He Catches Me: The Practice of Marriage

2011-01-26T11:57:00.000-08:00

This world can be hard; he is soft

This world can devour the things I hold dear; he savours them

This world can tear me down; he builds me up.

This world can steal my hope; he protects it

This world can convince me I'm not good enough; he insists I am everything and more.

This world lies to me; he speaks truth.

This world waits for me to fall; he helps me stand.

And when I do fall; he catches me.

He is my partner; my soul mate; my helper; my husband.

Check out www.aholyexperience.com for more blogs on The Practice of Marriage

2011-01-26T03:15:00.000-08:00

Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love...(Ephesians 5:1)

This was the scripture in my devotional today. When I read a scripture, I ALWAYS read it several times. For me, that first reading doesn't even count--the first reading is read by the VERY human side of me. I tend to think, Yeah, yeah, I've read this...I've know this, I do this. SO, I always read it again and again. And with those subsequent readings, I am always humbled, especially this morning--Be imitators of God. I suppose because I am fully trenched in a role of "Mom and Wife" right now, I then apply the scriptures to those roles. WOW--Imitators of God---

So, I walked through the Bible a little (well, I walked through YouVersion) :)

GOD is--
--Holy Psalm 77:13
--Fair Romans 2:1
--Love 1 John 4:16
--Gives without taking back Romans 11:29
--Compassionate and a Comforter 2 Cor 1:3
--Truth John 3:33
--Dependable Luke 1:37

Lord, how I fail at all of these everyday. But God knows I won't be perfect until I see Him, and so, I press on--fighting the fight--talking with Him--walking with Him--finding that there are moments when my imitation is there---and learning where to fall when I look nothing like Him--at His forgiving feet.

2011-01-25T16:21:00.001-08:00

Just posted an Amos Lee song. I had never heard of Amos until I heard an interview with him on 90.1 yesterday while waiting for Dylan to finish drum practice. I just love his music. As I write this, I am listening to Mr. Lee at full blast...Joey and the big kids are washing dishes, Matthew is calling my name at the top of his lungs, Madi periodically comes over to see what I am typing, Dylan is running around with a towel trying to attack Madi, Hannah and Lilly are building a "city" with about 200 blocks in my computer room......AND I can't hear A THING with these wonderful earphones.

:)Sometimes Mama needs a little break and she'll take it any way she can.

Discovered Amos on NPR the other day...SO GREAT!!

2011-01-25T16:19:00.000-08:00

He holds the Silence

2011-01-25T03:05:00.000-08:00

I drove home with Dylan yesterday in a thick silence. He is so quiet right now. When I look at his face I can tell that his mind isn't quiet, but those thoughts get lost, perhaps tucked away somewhere and don't seem to escape through his mouth very often. Oh, how that troubles me sometimes. I wonder if he longs to tell me something but can't find the courage. I wonder if he trusts me. I long for a time when he shared every thought, every pain, every joy, every idea, every desire with Mom. I know it's normal---this silent teenage phase. But it's hard. It hurts to feel as if you've lost a connection with someone who holds a piece of your heart.

My comfort? A God who knows him better than I--who loves him deeper than I (and that's deep). And I realize, even as I write this, that there IS a connection between me and my teenage son right now--our Lord. Those thoughts that never seem to escape Dylan's beautiful mind are known by God--each and every one held by the God we both Love and Worship. And I am thankful that I don't have to go through this teenage phase alone; I am thankful that He is holding me--us-- through this.

2011-01-24T03:16:00.000-08:00

Connection...There's a connection a mother has with her children. For me, it's almost as if there is a small part of the umbilical cord that remains, causing me to have a keen sense of their hurts, fears, joys. It's a wonderful thing to know someone in this way but also very overwhelming. To feel another's pain, almost as if the hurt is yours, is a feeling words cannot describe very well. Sometimes one of my children will ask me, Mom, how did you know? I don't have the answer--perhaps it comes from the time they spent within my womb--the time when we were like ONE. But that doesn't seem possible when mother's of adopted children have the same keen sense. And so, perhaps, we gain that connection as we care for a child with all of our hearts and souls. To me, it doesn't matter where it came from. I am just so thankful to God for it. This sense, this connection to me is a gift from our Father. He is allowing us just a small window into how he feels for me. He called me before I was born, he called my name at my birth (Isaiah 49:1). He created me, every unique detail, in my mother's womb. And so, when I hurt--He hurts. When I laugh with joy--He laughs; When I fear--He knows that fear; When I cry out-I--He hears; And to give me even a small glimpse of His love for me by allowing me to experience it with my own children is...indescribable.

Thank you God for my children. They are a window for me to experience Your Love. A love that is indescribable, so deep it's beyond my comprehension.

2011-01-21T03:26:00.000-08:00

Continuing to ponder WAITING...

Psalm 5:3 In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice, in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly

Psalm 33:20 We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield.

Romans 8:25 But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

WAITING........
Seems as if I am always waiting for something...an answer, a certain time (whether it be a better time, a quieter time, a slower time), an event...just waiting for something to happen. And what I've discovered in all of my waiting is that the process of waiting---the time spent waiting--is so much more important than the outcome that is reached. The Lord has shown me over and over that He is IN the Wait---drawing me closer, whispering to me words and truths for my life, loving me and calling me to love Him. He is IN my Waiting. And so, what I do in the wait is so important---no, so VITAL!

Waiting....
with my whole being
with hope
expectantly
patiently

So much more to ponder...but breakfast and 5 beautiful children await.

Pondering "Waiting"

2011-01-20T03:31:00.000-08:00

Pondering the idea, the action of waiting...

I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in His word I put my hope. Psalm 130:5

Seems like I've done a lot of waiting in the last few years. It's been on my heart to figure out this whole idea of waiting, to put into words what I've learned about waiting. But for today I will sit on some scripture...

Psalm 27:14 Wait for the Lord, be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

Lamentations 3:26 It is good ti wait quietly for the salavation of the Lord.

2011-01-18T03:08:00.000-08:00

"These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, and when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and gates." Deuteronomy 6: 6-8

I read this this morning and thought--Wow! I spend a lot of time setting up rules with my children that don't have anything to do with God's commandments. They know well my idea of a clean room, where to take their dirty clothes, who sets the table on what night, how to help clean the kitchen, the need to call when they are late...the list goes on. I make sure my children know these rules so that my household will run smoothly. But The Lord's Commandments? I know they've learned them at church; we might talk about them from time to time when the need arises. BUT using them as symbols, posting them in my home, making them a a part our daily conversation...I must admit, I haven't been so good at that.

And either has our society. There are even people who want them removed from courthouses! It's always been funny to me that we want to remove a set of commandments which include, You shall not murder, from a place which serves to convict people of murder. And if we really take a look at those 10 commandments, can you imagine what a more peaceful, loving world we would live in if we bound them to our hands and foreheads---our hearts?!

Well, I have little control over society as a whole, but I certainly can make them a bigger part of my own mini-society--my home. And...I always say, It begins in the home.

Just a few thoughts before I wake my children...

Thank you God for giving us a set of rules to live by!

2011-01-17T09:16:00.000-08:00

I've been reading a wonderful blog lately by a lady named Ann Vaskamp. A friend suggested it to me, and I am so grateful! Ann's words, which I believe are inspired by God, speak to me every time I read them. Funny thing, though, her words have also made me keenly aware of a hole in my life. At first I couldn't figure out where the hole was or what had caused it. But this morning it hit me...or should I say He hit me--right in the heart. He seemed to whisper to me...why have you stopped writing; it's writing that helps you sort things out--understand life--appreciate things more--get closer to ME. WHY HAVE YOU STOPPED WRITING? It was loud and clear; and when God is loud and clear...we tend to have no choice but to OBEY. So, I checked out my old blog--actually I checked out my TWO old Blogs. WOW! I hadn't written since 2008. WHY? I pondered it awhile and then life in my house resumed--breakfast dishes, laundry, potty training, just being a mom. It wasn't until later in the morning that HE spoke to me, gave me an answer. AND of course, He spoke to me through a simple occurrence in my home--as He does so often...

Matthew (my youngest of the twins by 36 minutes which is another story), called to me from our stairs. He sounded troubled; it took me a few seconds to realize he was calling for my help--Mamma, I'm stuck; I can't undone; help! I rushed to find him completely entangled in a thin red string. It's source was some where upstairs, and somehow he had reached the bottom of the stairs. I began to untangle him and realized it wasn't going to be an easy task. The string was wrapped around every part of his body. He was right! He was stuck! :) And I had been too. That string represented so much to me--several years on and off unemployment, months and months of "not knowing" (not like we know anything anyway), satan continuously telling me--You're a failure, sooooo unsuccessful. That string represented the end of my writing. Tough times had fallen upon me and I allowed them to entangle me, to cripple me from the very thing GOD uses in our relationship to draw me closer, to strengthen me. I handled things as best as I could, but the "string" that entangled me made it that much harder.

And that's how it happens. Tough times roll into our lives and we allow Satan to wrap his lies around us. We become stuck in his abuse, entangled in his hatred. The good news? Just as I was there to rescue Matthew and untangle him from that red string, God is with us--always--reminding us not to get entangled in the worries of this world but to live FREE in Him.

Praise God for Matthew and a thin, red string.

Natalie :)

2008-10-18T05:11:00.000-07:00

I am overwhelmed with the love of people lately. We talk about our society with such disappointment sometimes--calling people selfish and hateful. I admit I have been in on that conversation too many times to count. I have also been one of those selfish and hateful members of society. But this morning as I write, I am OVERWHELMED at the love people have for one another. I am in awe over the things we do to help each other. I am brought to tears as I ponder the sacrifices people make for others. Christ is ALIVE and shining through so many people in my life--so much so that I can barely see the screen through my joyful tears. Last night, I went to WalMart to buy groceries for my family. It's a mundane chore that I never look forward to, but certainly one of those things I must do. As I rounded the peanut butter aisle (a mom of 5 calls it the peanut butter aisle), I saw a friend from church. We don't "hang-out." We don't talk on the phone. We see each other at church. Her daughter was in my program once. There is really no reason for her to have any of my problems at the forefront of her thoughts. But the first thing she asked pertained to my life. And the sincerity of her questions was flowing from her. She didn't give me anything; she didn't offer a solution. She simply told me that she was thinking of me and that she would help in any what that I needed her. She also reminded me that God provides. I don't know if the encounter touched her like it touched me; but I could see and feel Christ flowing through her. And when she turned to go, I was at peace. What she doesn't know is that I have prayed and prayed for weeks to God, asking Him to just show me that He's there. As ridiculous and falithless as that sounds--it's the truth. And on a Friday night, sometime after 8:00pm in the peannut butter aisle, He answered my prayer!

So, if you find that you are down on society (people) lately, slow down and consider the encounters you've had lately. I would be willing to bet you've met Christ many times this week.

Jesus for President!!!!

2008-10-04T05:01:00.000-07:00

I've been following the election rather closely. I would not call myself a political person, but hard times make me concerned about who will actually run our country. While I was considering the recent debate this evening, I thought to myself how wonderful it would be to see Jesus in a debate with ANY of today's politicians. What a fresh breath of air He would be! Consider this...

Master Jesus, How would you handle the war?
I would simply hold out my hand and say PEACE, BE STILL.

Master Jesus, How would you improve Education?
Prayer in school and Bible teachings in every class.

Master Jesus, How would change the greed on Wallstreet?
Be reminded that you cannot take it with you...

Master Jesus, how do we become a better nation?
Turn to my Father--stop asking Oprah what to do!

Forget Obama and McCain, My vote is Jesus!

2008-09-21T19:35:00.001-07:00

It's funny to me how God will quickly remind me of my many blessings just at the moment I am feeling discouraged. I guess you could say that lately, I've been feeling more discouraged than anything else. With my husband being unemployed for three months now, I have moments of doubt, worry and fear. Tonight, I was just about to ask the ladies in my Sunday school to pray for me when the people of Haiti were brought up as a prayer request. Just listening to the trials these people are facing made my own prayer request seem...rather small. As I write this from my rather comfortable sofa, my five children quietly sleep on the floor above me--each child in his/her own bed with his/her own pillow and blanket. And even if that were to be taken away tomorrow, we could easily travel in several different directions where family members would be waiting to take us in to their homes. South of me, the mothers in Haiti have nothing to offer their children and nowhere to take them. They are seeking shelter for their children in a land that has been devestated by hurricanes. If they were lucky enough not to lose their babies in the waters that currently flow 10 feet high through the Hatian towns, then they are spenindg their days searching for food and clean water. Of course help is pouring in from around the world only to be taken by the Hatian government for their own personal gain. For the Hatian mothers this very night (this night that I dare to feel sorry for myself), there is little food, little safety, little comfort and little hope. Please, as you bow your head to speak to God tonight, pray for these people with all your heart.

2008-09-11T05:53:00.000-07:00

I read soemething in my devotianal book this morning that really has me thinking! Here it is...Every event He allows in your life is designed to make you more like Christ. At first, I read right over that sentence to the very end of the devotional. But something stuck in my heart, because at the end of my reading I searched for the sentence--not even knowing exactly what I was looking for. And when I reread it, I couldn't stop saying it! Every event God allows in your life is desinged to make you more like Christ! WOW! That really hits me hard--in two ways! First of all, it makes me feel good. My husband has been out of a job for over two months now. With five young children, a mortgage and a life, there are times I feel very panicked about our current situation. But just knowing that this event can make me more like Christ (if I allow it to do that), makes things more managable--easier to get through. On the other hand, the statement leaves me feeling quite ashamed. You see, it doesn't say some events or the big events God allows in my life. No, it says every event God allows in my life is desinged to make me more like Christ. That means how I behave in even the smallest occurrences of my life make a difference. So, the incident in which I discovered that people weren't talking very nicely about me was designed to make me more like Christ! But it's what I do with that event; it's how I react that helps to make me more like Him. Unfortuanately, I reacted with anger and bitterness. And that's certainly not like the Christ I know!

So I press on--knowing that the bumps in the road I travel on have a purpose--a wonderful purpose. I must remember, however, that it's what I do with those bumps that mean the most! If they are designed to help me be more like Christ then I must treat them that way by considering what Christ would do in each every circumstance of my life!

2008-09-04T18:19:00.000-07:00

It's 9:20 pm, and I've finally found some time to sit and relax. With five children in the house, the bedtime ritual begins fairly early--usually around 7:00. Most nights, I am able to skip down the stairs around 9:00 to my sofa for a little long-awaited "me" time! Tonight before heading down, I found myself stopped in the middle of the hallway. I looked to my left to the room where Hannah and the twins slept. I looked just a few steps ahead of me where Madi snored so sweetly. And I looked to the right to the room of my first-born! And suddenly a joy swept over me like a strong wind. A voice inside me whispered, I'm the mother of five children! There are five children in this house!! :) What a blessing! Thank you God for trusting me with five of your little one's. I pray that they will grow to love you and spread your love to others.

Thank you God five times!

2008-08-26T19:54:00.000-07:00

I've been poking around in Hebrews this week and Faith has been the word on my mind. Hebrews 11:1 says now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. I have considered myself to be a faithful woman for a very long time. But there's nothing like a bump in the road to change your self view. Am I really sure of what I hope for and certain of what I don't see?? I can't say that describes me in all situations of my life. I'm pretty sure and very certain of what I don't see when all is going well. When there's plenty of money in the bank, a consistent source of income, and great things happening around every corner, I know there is a God in heaven who loves me and takes care of me. BUT when life serves me a blow,I'm not so sure of what I hope for and I can't say I am certain of what I don't see. I ask God where He is and wonder why I must endure. It's embarrassing--to say the least. I am ashamed to say that when the going gets tough this mama of five, leader of a ministry, wife of a saint drops her faith like a hot potato!

But I know God well enough to understand that He wants more for me. And so, these little bumps in the road serve as tools to strengthen my faith. The more I live, the more I realize that trusting and believing God during the good times is not enough. I must learn to trust Him during those times when I am in the complete dark--the times when I have no control (not that I ever really have any control). Faith has become this word we throw around; we say to each other and to ourselves, "Yes,I have faith; I believe." I am learning through my own God-given experiences that it isn't enough to say I believe! I must ask myself in every difficult sitiation, am I sure of what I hope for; am I certain of the things I don't see? THAT is the kind of faith I want to LIVE!

2008-08-09T08:16:00.000-07:00

I'm living on this today...

ISAIAH 41

DO NOT FEAR!
--I have chosen you.
--I am with you.
--I am your God.
--I will strengthen you.
--I will help you.
--I will uphold you.

Can't focus on anything else!

2008-08-08T19:09:00.000-07:00

Matthew and Lilly turned 6 months on Tuesday!!

Moments?

2008-08-08T14:56:00.001-07:00

I've had this wonderful "eye-opening" experience these past few weeks in which I felt like God was teaching me to focus on the moments. I mean why do we even worry beyond each moment? We can't go back to change the moments we've lived and we have no power to forsee the moments to come. All we really have is this very moment we are in. So why not enjoy it to the fullest? What a wonderful realization! So why can't I live it? Oh I can live it when life is going GREAT! When things are good, I just LOVE each and every moment. But when life throws me a fast ball that hits me square in the nose, I regret the moments I've had and worry about the moments to come. Anything God taught me about living for the moments goes right out the window! And worry climbs right in!

Why do I resort to worrying? Phillipians 4:6-7 tells us not worry about anything but to pray and ask God with a thankful heart and we will know His peace ( I soooooo paraprhased this). It's sounds so easy to do when I read it in the Bible and look it up in my "Favorite Scriptures" journal. But when I need to put it into action--I fail BIG time. I begin to comtomplate the moments God has given me along with the ones he has in store for me. Instead of enjoying them I become full of regret and anxiousness over them. Sometimes I build a wall of worry so high it takes me awhile to climb over it! Only through God's word do I find myself able to scale the top of that wall. And once again, I am able to enjoy the moments. I hope one day to enjoy those scary and anxious moments just as much as the joyful ones. On that day, God might even say, well done good and faithful servant!

So why not worry??????

--John 4:4 The one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.

--Exodus 3:14 I AM who I AM (I AM sent us)

--And my very favorite...
ISAIAH 41:
I have chosen you.
I AM with you.
I AM your God.
I will strengthen you.
I will help you.
I will uphold you.

Dylan...

2008-07-10T21:22:00.000-07:00

Just the other day, Dylan and I were in the check-out line at WalMart. There was a mother and her little boy a few shoppers ahead of us and before I knew it Dylan had struck up a conversation with this little preschooler. I wasn't surprised; Dylan meets someone everywhere we go--he doesn't know a stranger! As I watched the two talk, I noticed Dylan taking out a clear-colored bouncy ball from his pocket. As soon as the ball was in the boy's sight, his eyes became as round and bulging as the ball itself. Dylan, seeming unaware of anything but the young boy, proceeded to give him a lesson on how to acheive the perfect bounce. Of course, the boy was mesmorized--I still don't know which mesmorized him more--the ball or Dylan. And as Dylan got ready to return to me, you could see the disappointment in the youngster's eyes. Dylan must have sensed this, because he immediately asked to go back and upon return offered the ball to the boy with every understanding that he (Dylan) would never see it again. Oh! How my heart filled with the most beautiful kind of joy. It was such a simple thing--a ball. But Dylan could see how much the boy desired that ball and gave it to him--cared for this stranger enough to understand his desire and to fulfill it. What a wonderful thing it is to see the light of Christ in your child's eyes. It is a day I will not soon forget.

Ain't Gonna Miss This...

2008-07-08T20:49:00.001-07:00

There's this song (country) called You're Gonna Miss This. It's a sweet song about how we try to wish away the times in our lives by wanting to move onto something else. It says--You're gonna miss this. You're gonna want this back. Youre gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast. These are some good times, so take a good look around. You may not know it now-but you're gonna miss this.

Today, Madi and Hannah both spent the day throwing up. Lilly fussed off and on due to a poop she just couldn't do. And Matthew cried most of the day over some major teeth cutting. NO! I am not gonna miss this day! It was not a good time and I hope it goes by as fast as it can! Some songs are just wrong. :)

2008-07-07T14:15:00.000-07:00

So, yesterday I was flying high on God's energy and today I'm sinking in my situaition--asking all the typical questions like Why me? How is this going to ever get better? What did I do to deserve this? And the moment they come out of my mouth, I know they are ridiculous questions, but they come from that part of me that feels--the part that looks at things with a world's perspective and feels. I just know that God so wants to turn off that feeling button we have and crank up that faith button so that we will learn to trust what we can't see and not worry about what we can. Whoa! That's just so hard for me! And so today I spent much of the moments asking God--WHY???? And of course he speaks to me as I open His word. I just flipped open my Bible and there He was--speaking to me. ...but there is a God in Heaven who reveals mysteries. Daniel doesn't say when he'll reveal the mystery or how long it might take but he says there is a God in heaven who will. And so that will have to do for me for now...

Hope the 4th was good for all of you. The kids had a great time...

Am I Struggling?

2008-07-06T07:55:00.000-07:00

He asks us not to worry. That's hard. That's real hard, especially with so many struggles in life. Where do we find the energy to struggle? Sometimes I feel like I have no more energy to do it. Sometimes I wish I could just be given the energy--just take a little trip to the store and purchase a little energy--well a lot! I suppose I could buy some of those drinks (those energy booster drinks) and sip on them every moment of the day. Though I am quite sure all those drinks would give me energy that would allow me to get all my housework done in 30 minutes flat and then crash from a serious sugar low! That's not quite the kind of energy I'm looking for. I am searching for that kind of energy that tells me it's okay--the kind of energy that pushes me through those rough spots in life. The kind of energy that can only come from Him.

As I studied scripture this morning, He led me to His perfect words. Colossians 1: 29 tells me that I labor, struggling with all His energy, which so powerfully works in me. Wow! I struggle with His energy. I don't need my own--my own isn't enough! I don't need energy-boosting drinks--they aren't enough! I must struggle. It's just a part of this journey here on Earth. But I struggle with His energy. That makes me ponder...if I struggle with His energy, then am I struggling???

My Blogging Returns...

2008-07-05T21:34:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I'm starting another blog. The last one I started came right after the news of my twins at 20 weeks along in the pregnancy. I posted a few things after that and then nothing...!! So, it's been a little crazy in my life--five kids will do that! But I have always wanted to keep up a blog,so here I go again. Hey, be good friends and family; encourage me, kick me, send me annoying emails--do anything you can to remind me to post here!! So, I will begin tomorrow... :)