What if...

Read this blog this morning about having a big family and found it to be very familiar. The questions and comments she speaks of have all come my way as well. Just the other evening I had a friend ask me if my hubby has had the BIG V! Certainly not a question I would have asked ANYONE...but it seems to be okay for some. Ya know, after thinking over it awhile, it's really not the question that bothers me. I think it just sparked some insecurities in me...I often ask God why. Especially in the last few years...I've wondered. Having children wasn't something I really planned. It's really one of the areas in my life that I just followed. I believe, I know, that with all of my heart. And yet...after a few years of a few struggles with this ecomony and jobs and life...I find myself asking God if he wishes He would have given me a different path--if He picked the right gal. Am I doing the job He knew I would do? Am I living up to His expectations? There are families who could provide so much more financially to my loves. Are you sure God?

And again, He speaks to me, even as I write this. There you go again, Natalie, thinking you are the provider, the one who will give them all they need...WORRYING that YOU aren't enough.


What if we really believed that our God is our Jehovah Jireh, our provider — and in this moment we lacked for nothing, that He has indeed provided everything we need? Ann Voskamp

And what if I could live everyday knowing, really believing, that my life, my children's lives are not in my hands...that we are held by Him--always. What if I could live each day, in each moment trusting His path for me, knowing He has a plan for me? What if I could get beyond college savings, vacations, 401 K's--all of those things that give me a false sense of HOPE--and truly live in His Hope? What if I could take in each moment as if it were the last and give Thanks to Him for the abundance of love and grace and mercy? What if my struggles are simply the path that will lead me to this point? What if...

I told a group of my warmest friends about this particular blog...that I couldn't post it yet; it was too raw. But here it is--because writing from your heart is supposed to be raw--

Thank you God for...YOU.
May you have a day full of hope :)