My heart...

"This is a difficult balance, telling the truth: how much to share, how much to keep, which truths will wound but not ruin, which will cut too deep to heal."

Read this in a book I finished recently. For some reason, I keep returning to the words, considering them, feeling them, understanding them. How much of the truth does need to be shared? And what is the Truth, really? When people are involved, there seems to be so many layers.  And yet, lately, I have found myself wanting so much for people to know the truth...or least my understanding of it. But the more I consider that desire, I realize it's not my truth I want known, it's my heart...

 I want people to know that originally, I was not angry. I did not compare because I did not know there was anything to compare. I want people to know that I was in it for the love of it...nothing more. I am not even sure when it became laborious. I want people to know that I don't understand uniformity--can there really EVER be uniformity? I want people to know that I have no hate in my heart--hurt--but no hate. I want people to know that I know that I am not innocent...but I am not deceitful or foolish. I want people to know that the lies are what hurt. I want people to know that I'm on God's team and didn't think there was another.  I want people to know that I know there are good things to come, but I hurt over how things ended. I want people to know that I cannot look back and that aches. I want people to know that a part of my heart is still there.

I want people to know that each day gets better. I want people to know that I still love them deeply. I want people to know that I believe in restoration--on all sides. I want people to know that I BELIEVE with all of my heart God is better and bigger than all of this. I want people to know that I know God will work things out to His glory.

I want people to know my heart...and I am thankful that God already does.

:)natalie