The Details

I sang in chapel with the preschoolers a few days ago...for the last time. It was bitter and sweet. My heart was full...and empty. And as the children poured out their voices to the Lord, I found myself thinking of the details---who would sing with them next year?  Who will find new music (because the songs are getting old)? Will they know the stories to teach-- the ones the kids really enjoy? Those sweet voices pouring out to the Lord and I'm gathering details like a rake would gather fallen leaves. Piling them as high as I can. Because collected details, piled high and all together make me feel--safe, in control.

They accumulate so fast, gathered details, one pile turning into two and three and four.  So neatly put together, they make  life  look....managed. If I am uncomfortable with God's leading, His nudge...I can rummage through the pile for that one detail that will convince Him that I know the way; I have a plan. It's a facade though. The reality is that as the pile grows, I only get further and further from Him-- His truth, His answers. His WAY  just gets lost under those gathered details--the pile where my need to KNOW, my need to CONTROL is kept.

And so, what if I just decided to jump into that pile of details and let them fall where they may...lose control...Trust in Him? What if I decided to step out in faith...follow His lead...BELIEVE He has a plan--a good plan. What if I just stopped gathering those dry and brittle details all together and TRUST in the ONE who knows my way, planned my existence? What if...

What the heck...
(and that's a whole different story for a different day)

:)natalie