This morning, I spent some time cleaning out my email folders. It sounds like a simple enough task, but for me, it simply...isn't. I had over 6000 emails in my 'Deleted' folder and nearly "3000" in my 'In' folder. They are reminders to me. I can turn on the computer in the morning and review upcoming events or see a name that reminds me of a phone call I need to make. Emails pertaining to current events in my life remain in my 'In' folder until that event is over. And when it is time to move them on, I click DELETE and send them on to the 'Deleted' folder. It is this folder that concerns me. Because we all know that it isn't really a 'Deleted' folder. At any time, I can recall an email of the past--find an old schedule, review a long forgotten event. And for me, there is comfort in that. I can hang on, review, remind myself of things long forgotten. Things don't really have to go away; they can remain.
For emails, that can be a good thing. But what I have come to realize is that I do this in life too---hang on, review, remind myself of things long forgotten. I say it's over; I forgive; I forget. Then I move it out of the 'In' folder of my heart to a place where I can recall it if needed. And this place, my heart's 'Deleted' folder, is different. It is a deeper place in my heart, where things of the past are able to sit and marinate in the feelings they produced so long ago. This is a dangerous process, this marinating, as the feelings of old become distorted. When they are recalled, the events that surrounded them are inaccurate and one-sided. New feelings arise, more potent--often deadly to your heart.
And so...just like the 'Deleted' folder of emails, this folder in my heart needs to be cleaned out--permanently deleted. Unfortunately, for me, it takes more than a click of a button. It requires a God's touch--a God who specializes in forgiveness. And I know when it's time to fall on my knees and ask Him to help me move the overflowing content of my heart's 'Deleted' folder to the wonderful, freeing folder labeled--'Forgiven.'
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